In a startling turn of events, the Triforce of Power was found in Iraq yesterday. In addition to a weapons cache of AK 47s, UN Inspectors found a treasure chest containing a part of the Triforce, a mythical object granting the owner virtually limitless power. The inspectors also found several rupies and an enchanted boomerang. This find is a major breakthrough in the war in Iraq and many political pundits say that it validates President Bush’s claim of Weapons of Mass Destruction, or WMDs.
“Surely possessing the Triforce of Power explains Hussein’s rise to power and dominion over evil forces,” says political analyst Jon Peters.
With this find, Bush has pushed for increased forces of young Hyrulians. Field units have also been equipped with Master Swords and Hookshots to combat the enemy. While inflammatory rhetoric and American foreign policy were previously blamed for increased terrorist forces, strategists are now considering the possibility of multiple enemy spawn points and/or hives.
Historians say that the presence of a Triforce goes a long way in explaining activity in the area. Middle East historian Gerald Fitzroy explains: “We now believe that Hussein was actually in his first form, also known as Husseindorf. His aggression towards Kuwait was probably motivated by knowledge that Kuwait possessed the Triforce of Wisdom. In fact, his entire rule was dedicated to unity the Triforce to ensure world domination.”
Other analysts are accusing Bush of misleading the American people. “This is just like the time he [Bush] said that Sudan possessed a 1-up mushroom, or the time he said that North Korea was developing the technology to create ice beams and Varia suits. He is just warmongering by playing on people’s fears of Bosses and Mini Bosses,” said Democratic talk show host Arn Wilcox, “even if they did have a Triforce, we all know that a young boy will eventually rise up to defeat Husseindorf and save the queen, just as the sages have prophesized.”
- Posted by chris